Tonya Starr April 18, As your friendly neighborhood sex columnist, I feel obliged to give you the lowdown. Our sexy seafaring adventure starts on the ship of the young merchant Manuel, who has just gone below deck with his lovely new wife Isabella. Despite the lack of authenticity, the scene is appealing, with an emphasis on oral foreplay, some impressive but not impossible sex positions and a passionate finish. The pair spends the night together immediately afterward, and the audience almost believes there can be a happy medium between pornography and plot development. But then things take a turn for the worse. Between the cheesy medieval pirate music underscoring all fornication and the blonde wenches who keep their corsets and pirate hats on while screwing, the scenes are too obscured by the theme to actually be arousing.

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